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How we teach teens to build healthy relationships

Dating is one way students practice the art of making a connection

Two young people holding hands

Relationships and dating are an important part of the social skills students ages 15 to 22 learn at Perkins.

In fact, the health curriculum at Perkins is much like that at any high school in Massachusetts. It includes discussions about physical activity, nutrition and mental health, as well as sexual and reproductive topics. Teachers and social workers also have individual and group sessions where they discuss relationship issues with students.

“We cover what kind of behavior is allowable on campus and where,” says health teacher, Jeff Migliozzi. “We go over how to talk, how to engage, what’s appropriate and what’s not.”

A day in health class

Migliozzi uses creative methods to teach these skills. For example, he shows his students an audio-described version of the film “Rear Window” to inspire a discussion about social interaction and relationships. He urges his students to observe how James Stewart and Grace Kelly face each other when talking and closed the blinds when they wanted privacy.

Migliozzi also introduced an “advice column,” where he asked students to answer questions about health and relationships. The letters illustrate typical situations teens might face. In one, the writer met someone through Face­book who wanted to secretly meet. Another wrote about falling for someone of the same gender. Migliozzi’s students wrote answers to those questions, and their responses sparked lively classroom discussions.

Young love

Relationships between Perkins students tend to follow a classic high school trajectory.

Laura and Justin, for example, met when they had several classes together. They got to know each other slowly and exchanged phone numbers. Eventually, they invited each other to their cottages, where one was a full-time resident and the other a day student. By the time they officially began dating, they say their classmates sensed their mutual attraction before they did.

Months later, though, feelings changed and the relationship ended. Nevertheless, it was the kind of social experience from which all young people learn, and an important part of growing up.

Navigating the digital dating pool

The pool of potential dates is more limited for Perkins students as well.

Sighted kids in a typical public high school have access to hundreds of classmates. They can also meet peers during extracurricular activities like sports or while hanging out at the local mall. At Perkins, where the class size is limited, the pool is much smaller, so many students socialize online, says Migliozzi.

“Meeting new people and socializing is hard for kids here,” he says. “Online gives them a wider network; they can’t be seen or judged.”

But it’s more difficult for them to find an appropriate boyfriend or girlfriend this way, Migliozzi says, since they can’t see visual cues that might alert them to potential danger. They may be unable to tell the age of the person they’re interacting with, or whether they’re properly groomed. Online dating can put them at risk, he says.

So online safety is another critical part of health instruction.

Finding the right moment

One additional challenge Perkins students face is that there are few opportunities for couples to be alone on campus.

Leaving Perkins to go out for a date requires planning, since someone must provide transportation. For students who live off campus, parents need to be involved. Most off-campus dating happens through supervised school trips, such as to Canobie Lake Park or a Celtics game.

Prom, meanwhile, is the social highlight of the Perkins school year – and one of the best opportunities for a couple to appear in public as an “official” couple. 

Blind dates

Many students who are blind say starting a romantic journey with someone who is also visually impaired makes things less stressful.

They don’t have to explain the day-to-day mechanics of living without vision – getting around, using accessible technology, dealing with the sighted world and much more. The other person just understands. 

They do wonder about what dating would be like if they weren’t blind. Mikolai, another student, says relationships would potentially be easier if he was able to see. But Laura counters that vision can lead people to choose someone based on looks, which doesn’t always work out.

“It’s better to get to know someone for a bit, then slowly earn their trust,” she says.

Despite the unique complexities of dating while blind, it’s clear love can blossom at Perkins, and some students do find what every teenager seeks: a kindred spirit with whom they can spend time, hold hands and share life’s joys and challenges.

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