Article
How Grace is breaking the cycle of everyday ableism
Grace, 11, details her experiences with ableism, such as comments she hears and questions she gets asked as a person who has CVI and uses a white cane.
About the author
Grace, 11, is the daughter of contributing CVI Now author Jessica Marquardt. Recently, Jessica authored a CVI Now article on ableism. Grace’s article below is a follow-up to that informational resource. For more resources on fighting ableism, please read Jessica’s piece: How you can help break the cycle of everyday ableism.
My experience with ableism
What are the different questions I get asked about my CVI and how do they make me feel? As a differently-abled community, we face a lot of rude comments, and people not knowing how to help us.
The question I get most is, “What’s that stick?” They are referring to my cane. Of course, the person who is asking can’t know what it is, but it still bothers me like a tiny mosquito bite. I respond by saying, “I have a Cortical Visual Impairment, or CVI. It makes it harder for me to see. The weird thing about it is it’s in my brain not my eyes. It didn’t make me completely lose my vision. I can still see.” I get this question so much I’ve memorized it.
Sometimes when people learn I can’t fully see they ask, “How many fingers am I holding up?” I hate that question more than almost any other question I get. Other kids ask that question. That’s because I always have to say, “I don’t know.” But what’s even more annoying is when they will not stop. They will keep asking the same question with different amounts of fingers up.
Then there are the people who stare at me. Sometimes I don’t notice, but sometimes they aren’t sneaky about it. When I was in school, a class walked past ours. They weren’t supposed to be talking in the hall, but they were talking then. The students in the other class whispered down the line, “She’s blind. She’s blind. She’s blind.” I heard them talking about me. I couldn’t explain my visual impairment because no kids are supposed to talk in the hallway, and I wasn’t going to break a rule. Then I would get in trouble for trying to talk. Plus, how would I explain to another class all together in the hallway with all the teachers watching? Other people from my class heard their whispers. The same thing happened twice in the same year. The second time I lost my appetite and didn’t eat lunch. It made me feel like I can’t get around without people wondering what’s “wrong” with me, and like I’m an exhibit in a museum. Like they can just stare at me and it does not hurt my feelings.
Those are usually questions that other kids ask. I get more questions and rude comments from adults than kids, which is surprising to me. That makes their comments and questions hurt more.
How I respond to rudeness and fear
Then there are the people who are just plain rude. They are the people I can’t think of any excuses for what they say or do. Once I was just at the playground with my sister. I had no idea what to say when some adults came up to us and asked if they could pray for me. I tried to explain that my visual impairment would get better, but it wouldn’t ever disappear. The adults said that miracles happen. (I wouldn’t want to have my CVI disappear because I consider it an ability not a disability. Dis- means not, so if you put it together it’s not ability, but you can get talents from losing a sense.) They didn’t listen to me. They put their hands on my shoulders without me saying it was ok and tried to pray for me. Eventually, I had to run away. I still refuse to step foot in that park even though it happened two years ago. The memory is still clear in my mind.
Then there are the people who are too afraid to ask me why I can’t see well and ask someone else. Once at an event someone walked up to my younger sister and asked her why I couldn’t see. Of course my sister didn’t know what to say in that situation. The person who asked my sister why I couldn’t see should have asked me. If she was trying not to hurt my feelings it didn’t work because wouldn’t she have known that I would have found out about it? I didn’t notice when she asked because I wasn’t around, but she obviously saw me, so what’s so hard about asking me instead of asking someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to have a visual impairment?
Asking for modifications
Sometimes people don’t know what to do when they meet me and I ask for a modification. For example, my mom and I went to a zoo once. I wanted to feed the giraffes, and the person who was telling us how to feed them said, “giraffes are afraid of canes.” All I wanted to do was feed one animal. I could get around without my cane, but what about the next person who needs a cane to get around at all times? How did the zoo staff know giraffes are afraid of canes?
No one should go through any of the situations that as a differently abled community we face. A lot of times people don’t include me because I don’t move as fast as everyone else I’m playing with. Sometimes I tell myself it doesn’t bother me, but it really does. I even go as far as to say, “I’m used to it.” But I know that if I have to go through anything like what had happened to me before again I will be more prepared.
Even though I shouldn’t be stared at or be denied modifications, it’s the reality for people who need different things to help them.
It’s tough when we are notably different, and people can tell just by looking at us. Having these experiences isn’t the best feeling in the world, but they can teach people that being “different” from everyone else is not something bad, but is just how the world is built. It has challenges, but that doesn’t mean we should be judged. We are not unhappy about who we are.
